10 August 2011

The Intercession of St. Stephen

The grass is bluer than a thousand screaming badgers when Mr. Drebnik says his prayers on Boxing Day. Blue, blue, blue. And the screams might be heard if the badgers are not weak.

So the judges get to courting and the badgers get to booze and the Boxing Day parade is delayed because of fear. When it is realized that the judges do not need to be present at such a regal event, the organizers (along with Mr. Drebnik) grant the gracious boon of dismissal to the judges. Off they go to courting.

When judges go courting on Boxing Day, the first thing they do is to make small Boxing Day gifts for their sweethearts. Often they remove their powdered wigs and craft them into models of miniature sheep, which they allow to graze on the blue, blue grass of home. Their sweethearts are content with tissue papers and tiny little fineries such as you find in Mr. Drebnik's store.

As the day develops, the judges begin to realize that they have gone beyond what is really needed and truly desired. The powdered wig sheep will roam off and return to a feral existence on the Lower East Side, and the judges go to Mr. Drebnik's store where they purchase boxes of tissue paper and tiny little fineries. Mr. Drebnik will package these up and place them into little boxes which he will gift wrap at no extra charge.

The judges return to courting, thrilled with their purchases. Their sweethearts rejoice, thrilled with their gifts. The powdered wig sheep bleat with joy, thrilled with their freedom. Mr. Drebnik says his prayers at the close of another successful Boxing Day. Thanks be to God.

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