The Marquis de Flo-burner decided that the mango pit had been really no challenge after all, and he consequently decided to change his name to something a little less out of the ordinary. After much consideration and legal wrangling, his name was changed to “The Marquis de Flo-bulgur,” and life brightened right up. He returned home and ordered Fancy Jemima thoroughly flogged and then hung by the neck until dead. The chauffeur urged him to rethink his decision, but the Marquis would have nothing of it.
And so that night, after the public hanging, all the garden and house staff gathered around the freshly dug (and subsequently filled) grave of Fancy Jemima and proceeded to sing dirges most solemn. Upon the singing of a most solemn and ancient dirge, known to the singers only as “Side B, Track 4,” the ghost of Fancy Jemima slowly rose from the dirt of the grave.
She looked good. A little stretched about the neckish regions, but basically good. She towered over the dirge-singers and looked at them with a bug-eyed glare.
“I told him he had some ass-wipe stuck to his shoe,” she howled, “just a little ass-wipe!” A terrific moan issued from her spirit, a moaning and wailing such as the dirge-singers had never heard. The very leaves on the eucalyptus trees shook with her groans. It was just then that Spiny Jim the putty-monger happened upon the scene and looked at the assembled throng and the spirit hovering over them.
“You must be talking about Flo-burner,” he said, “the littlest ass-wipe I ever met.”
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