17 January 2012

The Sexy Serum

From the top of this fuzzy little promontory I could see almost forever and to the end. The end of what? I thought you might ask that, and in anticipation of it, I have prepared this small vial of serum. It is a delicious, delicious, sexy serum. Go ahead – say it with a snake-like lisp. Sexy serum. There you go. It is sexy serum, strained from the sweetest sycamore sap. OK, I made up that part. It is truly a sexy serum, though, and it will render you uncaring and unquestioning.

Allow me to gently slide the hy-po-der-mic needle into the large vein in your forearm. See how easily it enters your flesh? Note how it almost glides into your vein. There you go. Now I am going to inject the sexy serum into your bloodstream, and I would like you to count backwards from the letter “O”. Can you do that? Good.

You might note that as the sexy serum begins to take effect your cares seems to just slip right away. Hold still, please. Don't fight it. Mr. Packy, will you please draw the horse-leather cinches a little tighter? And please bring a nice little glass of something for our guest. No...no, Mr. Packy, I prefer not to think of our guest as a “patient,” for that has such a cold sound to it.

Anyhow, as I was saying to you, you are probably noticing that the sexy serum is beginning to take effect. Do you feel all kind of loose and squishy? Yes, yes you do. I feel squishy too, but for a different reason. We both have our pantaloons full of fecal matter, but mine is from an aquatic creature, and not my own.

The sexy serum was first shown to me in a dream – a most awful dream in which I struggled, struggled, struggled to fight my way free from a large piece of latex. When I broke free, I was presented with a small vial of liquid. Indeed, it was the sexy serum. And it was then that a voice spoke to me of the hope and the dreams that the sexy serum would grant to all those who took the serum into their veins. I accepted the sexy serum myself, of course, and now it is all that I can do to tell the world about the sexy serum, and allow everyone the sublime pleasure of feeling the sexy serum flowing through their veins.

For the sexy serum is hope itself – the hope that you can have in yourself and not in any silly fairy tales or grand mythological beasts and...what is that name of that creature? It is a called a...oh yes, it is called a “machine.”

Oh dear. Mr. Packy, I think we may not need any refreshments for our guest. I cannot find a pulse. Our guest appears to have had an adverse reaction to the sexy serum.

This seems to happen every time.

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